Arriving&Proclaiming

Holy shit I haven’t updated shit since christmas ._.

But 2011 has been a really fun and great year so far :D But it’s also been really hard :\

I’m working about 30 hours a week total now (coaching and tillys) and my shifts at tillys are at 6am or 7am because I have coaching at night. Sooo the melanie you guys knew that never gets up that early is no more T_T

Sleeping has been really weird lately.
I can fall asleep but I can’t stay asleep. And no amount of melatonin or nug seems to help me stay asleep.

Boone passed away on wednesday.
The whole thing was a bust kinda. I didn’t want to announce it on facebook but basically the whole decision whether or not to euthanisize boone was left up to me and without warning. So I basically woke up that morning thinking my dog just had the flu, then my mom told me to take him to the vet and two hours later I was watching my dog die.
It really isn’t easy for me at all and I try not to think about boone because I just start crying every time.

Working at Tillys has gotten a lot better.
I’m getting more hours therefore more cash and my bitchy manager left XD The new store manager is really nice and I kicked ass this last week so I’m gonna be getting lots of hours :D (I’m getting around 12-17 hours a week now)
But it is really hard getting up so early every morning then staying up all day.

Things are good and bad right now.
Things are just…. difficult right now. But I assume things are no less easier for you guys at the moment with all your school and whatnot ._.
I’m trying to turn over a new leaf and not be a slacker with my life. It’s helped to set goals such as moving out and wanting to go to a four-year college eventually.

I’ve decided to commit to sign language tho and learn it completely and maybe get a translator certificate or something haha its a really easy language for me to pick up :D

but anywayssssss now that my multiple page post is overrr
I hope you guys are doing well in life and succeeding at all the things that you try :] I miss you all so much more than I could ever hope to express thru tumblr and I can’t wait for you guys to come back home so we can get wasted together ;D

P.S. KAYLA!!! VAL AND I ARE GETTING OUR PASSPORTS IN APRIL HOPEFULLY SO YOU CANT SLACK EITHER >;DDD 

Everyone is home for christmas right now/will be soon :D

Valerie is taking her driver’s test on the 30th (and I’ve been trying to give her driving practice time in my car but my nerves get shot to hell watching XD)

I got a job (although its just seasonal, its experience, more money than before, and they might rehire me again in the future :D)

The only last burdens I have to deal with is paying back the last of the mexico ticket to val and some goddamn parking tickets -_-

In a sense, my insomnia has gotten better, but also worse lately.

When I don’t have nug to smoke, I usually can’t go to sleep until sunrise…

Last night for instance, I took 5 melatonin within two hours (you’re only supposed to take a maximum of 2 for every 4 hours) and I STILL couldn’t even get remotely close to sleep until 530am to 6am.

The melatonin didn’t even KEEP me asleep, I woke up around 1030am and had to lay there for half an hour before I could fall back asleep.

Unless I keep smoking nug every night, I’m going to have to go back to the doctors and ask them for a prescription because I can’t stand it anymore. It literally feels like every time I can’t go to sleep until 6am it breaks down my sanity little by little. 

at least I usually don’t have anything to do in the early mornings so I can sleep in. But not sleeping as well is bringing back headaches and its wearing down on my mind a lot

:\

I’ve been kind of mer lately. And derp too.

I think its cuz my health is starting to crash again. I got a headache for the first time in two weeks. My eyes are fucking nasty. And my cough is back.
But I’ve even been taking vitamins lately and working out a little :[

But, really, for my birthday, I really just want everyone (myself included) to just get really fucked up (wherever you are) at midnight and everyone just be happy for a day. Do whatever makes you happy that day, it doesn’t even have to be with me, just as long as you’re being happy.
I want everyone to be able to look back the next day and go “You know, yesterday was a lot of fun :)”

That would be the best present ever.

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BAH.

I can feel it >:[
I feel really sluggish and depressed. Usually for no reason, or I’ll think up ridiculous things in my head. >:\

I’m gonna still try to find a job somewhere other than the Wellness place.
It’s based solely on commission and I don’t wanna have a job that unstable :\

School is effing me up the butt.
I wish I wasn’t here for some reason. I feel kinda trapped by everything that’s here.

merrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Hope you guys are doing well thoooo!
I’ll be really happy when everyone comes home for christmas and we can all chill like before :]

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING -__- DAMNNN ITTTTTT

My first time ever having full blown Pink Eye and I have an interview in Newport in 2 hours as a “Wellness Coach” -_________________-

I wanna put a patch over it and make up a lie about me getting hit in the eye with a lacrosse ball or something XD Cuz I know my eye looks nasty -_-

Anywayssssss I’m gonna get ready :]
I dont post on this tumblr enough :[

That’s why you cant have a daughter or a son.
Because you can’t communicate with us.

Did you know that I was never actually told that my mom got a divorce from my ex-step dad?
One day while driving me to school (I can remember the exact spot he told me) he said that him and my mom were having trouble and we may not see him for awhile, but things would work out. Sometimes we wouldn’t see him for weekends at a time so I thought he just meant he was going camping or something.

When I came back from school that same day all his shit was gone.

I learned early in my life that asking questions meant getting lies as answers so I never asked anything. To this day, no one has ever told me my mom got a divorce. I just figured it out.

That’s all I’ve ever done.
Don’t ask questions. Figure shit out on your own.

(I’m seriously thinking about moving out of my house and living in my car. For at least a few days)